Give me the Funny Muse. That’s the only one in the collection that I still don’t have. I need it.
When I started blogging, I had delusions of grandeur. I thought I was so funny, and that all my posts would have people rolling on the floor, peeing their pants from laughing so hard. I had left comments on my friend Katie’s funny blog that I thought were easily a match for her comical exploits. Or rather, her everyday, stay-at-home mom of highly intelligent younglings exploits, retold in such a way as to render anyone remotely familiar with said youth completely apoplectic with convulsive laughter.
Then, within a couple of posts, I began to realize that the Funny Muse was not on my side. Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
I have these muses.
The Cooking Muse came to me via my husband, but he doesn’t remember where he got it. I had thought he brought it back from Russia, with love, but he thinks it might have been from a high-school girlfriend. With love. So I found the Happy Fat Man in a box, and thought he was just too cute. He sits next to the stove, watching over my daily dealings. He has a chip in his right ear from when the boys were playing with him and dropped him on the tile floor. He also lost an arm in the foray, but I was able to successfully reattach the limb, with minimal nerve damage.
The Beauty Muse was a Christmas present from my mom. He watches next to the vanity in the bathroom, and protects my earrings. He is also a casualty of war, having lost the same leg twice. It’s a miracle he is still smiling.
The Gardening Muse, also a gift from Mom, is missing his feelers. As you might guess, they went the way of all the earth, my Muse having been used as a hand grenade, also during the war. Now, he spends his retirement sitting in the windowsill by the sink. The same window that looks out onto my garden, which sadly got destroyed last summer during The Great Depression. Stocks fell in tomatoes, green beans, and eggplant, but buy now if you want to invest in grass.
The Running Muse is a recent addition. I found her at Target last week, and she was one of those impulse purchases that I was powerless to resist. I wish you could see them all life sized. Running Muse is about 3 inches long, almost small enough for a key-chain. She is still too big for Kiki, but that doesn’t stop me.
So now, all I need is the Funny Muse. Dear Universe, can you hear me? Can you send me the Funny Muse? I promise I will use her, and even share her, if I can. Or is she busy? Do I need a time-share? I know we can work something out. Hello? Are you there? I would give this guy’s right arm, but he seems to have misplaced it during the war.