Boo-hoo. Boo-hooo-hoooo. Whine, whine whine. Consider yourself warned.

I feel like if I could just lose 5-10 pounds, I would be able to run farther and enjoy it more. If I could just stop bull-dozing every scrap of edible matter in my path, I could lose those crappy pounds. I have no strategy. I keep thinking it would be so easy to simply eat less. And then I get so overwhelmed with loneliness, sadness, boredom, avoidance of responsibility, inertia… that I can’t face the idea of not seeking out any and every simple and complex carbohydrate within a 5 mile radius.

Also, since I started running again last December, after the requisite 6-week recovery period (which for me is actually at least 8 weeks) after childbirth, I haven’t found my groove. I remember running for a couple of hours at a time and loving the freedom, the strength, the meditation, all that goes with distance running. I miss that liberated feeling. I remember the need to brag to everyone I met about my 12 mile run that morning. I remember pushing myself, but having it not be that hard.

Now, I feel like I’m made of cement. My feet don’t want to come off the ground, my legs don’t want to move. My ankles ache on the days I don’t run. My belly pokes out more than it did when I was 4 months pregnant. My stamina is gone, and the motivation to get out and run 4 times a week is severely lacking. I wake up with a headache every single morning. But I do it, and I’m happy if I get in one mile.

When I was closing in on the finish line during my first 1/2 marathon, I came up behind a woman who had stopped to walk. She seemed like she had given it everything she had, and had come up short. I was creeping along at 10 minutes per mile, so as I passed, I encouraged her, “It’s only one mile to go! That’s your very shortest run! 15 minutes at your slowest.” She girded her loins and started shuffling along with me. After a couple of minutes, she said thanks, and took off. I think she beat my by 3 or 4 minutes.

And now, I can barely push myself those 15 minutes. I did make it a whole 30 minutes on Saturday, with a short walk after the first 15, but by the end, I felt hammered. I really, really want to love it again. I want to be able to do 2 hour runs on the weekend. I want to do a 1/2 marathon in the spring.

Can anyone help me?

Update: I just signed up for the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon in May. Anyone wanna join me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? 

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