Sometimes I meditate on the subject of what I would write on my postcard if I sent one to postsecret. Angela has tagged me for this 8 facts meme, and I’m ready. I’m going to try to remember all those “secrets” that I’ve been storing up for a rainy day. And I’m not saying I’m proud of all these. Most of them make me feel like a freak.
1. Every time I use a paper towel, I think about how I’m probably going to Hell. I hate being wasteful, but the convenience of grabbing a paper towel and then not having to wash it is too seductive. But I do save every single plastic bag I ever come in contact with. If I get one at the market, because I was dumb enough to leave the house without my canvas shopping bags or Mexican bolsas, and I have to get one of those crappy bags, I save it and use it as many times as I can. I reuse ziploc bags. I make Derek wash them. I save the bags from the bulk section and use them the next time I go shopping, and I don’t put veggies in any bag at all. Four zucchini? No bag. Dripping wet parsley? No bag. Twelve oranges? That’s what that canvas bag is for.
2. I wear my clothes until they’re visibly dirty. Don’t say ew. Americans have such a neurosis about being clean. Clothes last much longer if you don’t wash them every single time you wear them. So you use less water, put less soap into the water supply, use less energy for the dryer, spend less money on clothes, and have that nice, comfy feeling of not having to get into tight jeans every single time you dress.
3. I have to do everything myself. And then brag about it. I made a pie today from pumpkins that I baked. Next year, I’ll have pumpkins in the garden, so I’ll just run outside to get a pumpkin to make that pie. I made three and a half meals out of one tiny roasted chicken, including a great soup from the broth I made with the carcass. I made my kids their Halloween costumes. I’m knitting myself a scarf. I make our bread whenever I can. I’m planning on making all the Christmas presents this year.
4. I’m always deeply ashamed when I give people store-bought presents. Unless they’re from DI. Then they’re recycled, so it’s OK. I never send thank you cards, because I never get it together and actually make them.
5. I’m afraid of everyone. Even people I’ve known since I was 5. Even my own family. Even Derek. I’m always afraid they really know what a sham I am, or they’re just being nice.
6. Prepare yourself for this one. It will sound horrible, but read on. I think I’m smarter and more talented than almost everyone. Which is not to say that I necessarily know more, but that I have this inner demon that says, “I may not know that, but it’s only because I haven’t tried to learn it yet. It’s not like I can’t, I just haven’t had the time.” Don’t misunderstand me. I know this is a snobbery, and that it’s untrue, but my brain doesn’t want to change it’s mind. I was told at a very young age that I was very smart, by many people. Those things don’t just go away.
7. The people that I know are smarter than me make me the most terrified. Like they know I’m really just an idiot. I have to compensate for my feelings of inferiority by doing everything myself. Like somehow sewing puppy costumes makes up for my inability to even read the math Derek works on. Or speaking 9 languages makes up for my dismal lack of knowledge in pop culture. (It’s a total lie, I don’t really speak 9 languages. But for the record, I speak English as my native tongue. I lived in Mexico when I was 5, and learned fluent Spanish, which I lost in the years following, but regained in part when I went back to Mexico when I was 19.
I studied German for 5 years in High School, but I didn’t have my heart in it. I learned the vocab, but I never cared about the cases. Hmmm, how can you speak German without the cases?
I took Italian for 4 or 5 semesters in college, because when I was choosing my classes my first semester, all the Spanish classes were full. I went to Vienna, Austria for a semester abroad, and improved my German, then took 3 more semesters of it.
I went on a religious mission to the Philippines when I was 22, and learned Tagalog fluently. One of my native companions said that when she wasn’t looking at me while I was talking, she would forget that I was not a Filipina. I also studied Ilokano, a regional dialect, while I was there. I was never fluent in Ilokano, but I could talk about church and God pretty smoothly.
I stayed in Holland for a few weeks with a Dutch friend, and learned a bit of Dutch, after which I got some books in Dutch and studied it on my own. My friend once told me that it was funny hearing me speak Dutch, because instead of an American accent, I had a German accent.
I took a semester of French following my trip to Holland. Only one, but with the background in Spanish and Italian, all I had to do was learn the spelling and pronunciation idiosyncrasies.
After I met Derek, I took a semester of Russian. The teacher only let me in because I had the same last name as he did, but I turned out to be a crack shot at it, so he liked me all the more. Even when I skipped about two weeks… after getting engaged. Yes, I was one of those. Don’t make fun.
But since I’m afraid of everyone, I never speak any of the languages, so they pretty much don’t count anyway. Oh, I started learning Greek this summer. Yay for me.
8. I want to know everything. I honestly cannot think of a subject that I don’t want to know more about.
Are you sad you wasted your time on that?
I’m tagging Elizasmom, Kalli, my fantastic aunt Barbara, Sketchy, Honeyvine, Yardbird and that’s gonna have to be all! Because who else can I tag that hasn’t done this one or hasn’t decided to renounce all future tags?
November 15, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Wow, those were fascinating, and much more interesting than mine (unless you include the radioactive cat!). I SO wish I was fluent in other languages. I know enough French and Italian to be polite, order a meal, and find a bathroom. I could probably carry on a simple conversation in Spanish unless it was with my ex-sister-in-law, then never mind. No habla espanol.
Yay for you in protecting the environment. Do you compost? It’s fantastic for the garden.
I’ve been told that I’m pretty smart, too, but it’s actually kind of embarrassing for me. Like when I smackdown someone by proving that Odin was really Loki’s foster brother, or when I accidentally spit out the old English origins of the word “lady” (laefge, or “loaf-kneader”) everyone looks at me like I’m nuts. Sorry, I don’t know what American Idol is, but I can tell you the prinicpal families of Renaissance Tuscany or the physics calculation for gravity.
Why are you looking at me so weirdly?
OK, long comment, so thanks for the diversion – it’s back to work for me!
November 16, 2007 at 12:43 am
Sigh… I used to think that I was smarter than everyone too… then I got pregnant and discovered that all it was is a large vocab and a good short term memory; the hormones killed my short term. Still dead. Still dumb.
Hey… I do that “visibly dirty” thing too! Unfortunately, that means that my clothes STILL only last about a day before I have to wash them.
I too am going to hell for my paper towel abuse! But I will be headed there with most of my sanity intact… so there is that. It is all about the trade off for me.
November 16, 2007 at 1:05 am
I feel like paper towels are sending me to hell too. And the baby wipes. And the disposable diapers. I feel GUILTY. Except that disposables and wipes keeps my marriage together–there is only so much granola J can take.
2. Me too. There is enough to do without washing every item every time.
3. Me too.
4. Not me. I love to give the PERFECT gift, no matter where it comes from or how much or how little it costs. If I had a million dollars I would buy everyone what they want.
6. I feel like I’m always wasting my talents.
8. Me too.
November 16, 2007 at 7:44 am
We use cloth diapers and cloth wipes. I admit to thinking it might be a pain, that it might be more work than it’s worth.
Surprise! It’s not!
It’s extra loads of laundry, but considering that otherwise I’d be driving to a store every so often to buy a product that has been manufactured, stored, packaged, shipped, and retailed, I don’t feel so bad about an extra load of laundry now. We line-dry the diapers when we can as well.
Paper towels are a different story though! We don’t go through them at an alarming rate, and I still use a rag or towel when that will suffice, but sometimes a paper towel is the right tool for a job… 😦
5. I’m just being nice 😛
6. I _AM_ smarter and more talented than most. A big part of that is what you said though: we were taught to be smarter and more talented, and were we told that it was so. So we believe it. So we act it out. I really honestly believe that telling your children they’re smart will make them smarter.
November 16, 2007 at 9:23 am
Thanks for the tag — I’m going to try and work it into my NaBloPoMo theme somehow, because I’ve got nothing so far for the song of the day.
I agree with you on the clothes, except I tend to go by smell.
As to number 4, I have given up on the home made presents because people didn’t appreciate them enough for my taste (which I guess means that I am kinda with you on the bragging part of your number 3)
November 16, 2007 at 9:53 am
Angela, I’m politely fluent in many of my languages too. That’s why I say it’s a lie that I speak 9. I haven’t started to compost yet, but I’ve only been in my house for 3 weeks! And I do the exact same thing with word etymologies. And people look at me funny.
Bon, pregnancy and childrearing are definitely making me more stupider.
Azucar, that’s the difference between waiting till the last minute and buying a crappy cop-out present because you didn’t get on the ball and make the cool one you wanted to, and spending time researching and finding the perfect present that you know someone will adore.
NungNung, I always knew you were just being nice. Thanks, though.
Elizasmom, yeah, I guess people usually just look at what you made, and you can tell they’re thinking, “Wow. What am I ever going to do with this? And who gives homemade granola for a birthday present? What a kook.”
November 16, 2007 at 12:30 pm
By the way, if you compost, it’s a great place to put all those paper towels you’re using. Just throw them in there – they make dirt!
November 16, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Nungnung, I’m with you on the cloth everything. My traditional husband refuses. Human waste freaks him out, he becomes a complete…baby. So, I get to do baby-led weaning, delay solids, make organic baby food, and he gets disposables. Boo.
November 16, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Wow, your list puts mine to shame. Mine were pretty superficial. And I think your #3 contained 8 things all by itself!
I waste a lot of mental energy being afraid of people too. I think being raised to think you’re special (paging Mr. Rogers) can make you feel alienated later in life. At least we’re all alienated together.
November 16, 2007 at 3:29 pm
P.S. Etsy.com is a great way to find gifts at the last minute that actually make you feel good because they are handmade and one of a kind. And it’s super addictive to shop on there.
November 17, 2007 at 12:07 am
Both of my brothers went to the Phillipines on their missions, and I think they are about your age. How freaky would it be if you knew them?
“The people that I know are smarter than me make me the most terrified. Like they know I’m really just an idiot.” That’s how I feel about cool people.
November 17, 2007 at 7:48 pm
I am totally with you on 5 & 6. People I don’t know really well scare me most of the time. For some reason the only exception is when I’m at work. When I’m in a professional context I have no problem talking to anyone, except that I know that I do this thing where I get really nervous and act very hyper and energetic to compensate for that. But when it comes to personal contexts I’m just plain afraid most of the time. I will admit also that I’m constantly thinking about how I would do something better anytime I see something I think could be done better. (which is almost all of the time)
November 18, 2007 at 1:25 am
I have something of an inferiority complex now.
And I feel a lot of guilt about drinking bottled water. A lot of guilt. But I still do it.