I just made that up. I already did one that started with CAT, and Lisa’s fear of my upcoming post on the flying rodents was just too funny. But seriously, yesterday, I was just poking around in the garden, not even looking for anything sinister, when I noticed that the cabbage and broccoli leaves seems a little holey. I wondered in my mind whether that was normal, went in for a closer look, and spotted a little twig, just exactly the same color as the bluish-green leaves. It was sitting on the main rib, thus camouflaging itself even more by lying lengthwise. Disgusted, I went inside for a pair of tweezers (wuss, you say? I cannot deny it!) and a bucket. I plucked about 15 little buggers from my plants, some of which no doubt would have deforested my crucifers before morning. Alas, there is no hope for my little plot of earth.

Cabbage moths. Ugh. I marvel that humankind has survived these many millenia. There’s the whole thing about us having to bear live young, to carry those parasitically inside the female of the species, only to have them born completely incompetent, still parasites, and requiring years of dedicated care. Then there’s the part about us not generally being satisfied foraging in the wild for daily sustenance, the problems with which include, but are not limited to, seasons, drought, natural predators, laziness, and the propensity for epic complaining.

But when we do try to harness nature and till the earth, plant seeds, and reap the bountiful harvest from the sweat of our brow, we find it has already been consumed by the lesser beasts of the field, who got there first. So on our next try, we invent contraptions and preparations that will, theoretically, deter our voracious enemies. Then we discover new enemies, who can fit through the holes, dig underneath, eat poison and thrive, enemies we are no match for.

Have no fear, I haven’t surrendered yet. I still plan to make a removable cage for the strawberries. I planted forks today, surrounded by (used!) coffee grounds appropriated from Starbuck’s this morning (which nearly made me crash my bike, they were so heavy on the handlebars) in the one spot where nothing has come up yet. I concede that it is possible nothing will come up in that spot, since it has been dug into at least 6 times in the past week, and I have retrieved several (around 6, I would say) nobby, brown, post-consumer products, and then planted some forks there. Since there were no seedlings yet, it is possible that I pierced one or two in the process. I can’t say whether I would prefer that I lost some garlics, or some carrots. I may have to replant.

I will admit that I’ve never been so obsessed about my garden before. It has never been fully mine before, since we were living in Grandpa’s basement, and he was lending me part of his garden. I want to get it right. I’ve even been thinking about purchasing a pressure canner, though I may wait to see if I do harvest any actual vegetables.

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