OK, I really need to see a doctor. I’ve needed to pretty much since Kiki was born, almost two years ago. The single biggest obstacle to my not making an appointment is my mortal fear of calling the office on the phone. I have made one attempt, back in February, and was met with the dismaying news that the nurse practitioner I had been recommended was going on maternity leave until July, and was not accepting new patients.

But this has to stop. I have emotional/chemical things going on that are not pleasant, to say the least, and I need them fixed. Fixed, I say!

I specifically need to see someone who specializes in the symptoms, problems, and distresses of being female. I went to a group of midwives while we were in Utah, but it turns out that in Dayton, midwives are not so popular, and as such, not that great. I’ve been asking around, and no one can recommend a midwife, or even a female OB-GYN. My two new BFFs, both neighbors, have had wonderful experiences with their OB-GYNs, and gushed about how much they love them, but they’re both male.

There is something so incredibly icky to me in a man who never gets over that 12 year old desire to become a gynecologist. Please understand that I do not intend to offend anyone who has experience with male OB-GYNs, nor am I saying that all of them are there because of their adolescent curiosity in the opposite sex. I’m just uncomfortable with the whole idea. It just doesn’t seem normal to me.

So here’s the dilemma: Do I keep looking, and try to find a female doctor whom I can be more comfortable with, and possibly wait another 6 months to actually make the call, or do I take one of the recommendations, call a male doctor, and get myself fixed? (No, not fixed in that sense, just corrected.)