OK, I really need to see a doctor. I’ve needed to pretty much since Kiki was born, almost two years ago. The single biggest obstacle to my not making an appointment is my mortal fear of calling the office on the phone. I have made one attempt, back in February, and was met with the dismaying news that the nurse practitioner I had been recommended was going on maternity leave until July, and was not accepting new patients.
But this has to stop. I have emotional/chemical things going on that are not pleasant, to say the least, and I need them fixed. Fixed, I say!
I specifically need to see someone who specializes in the symptoms, problems, and distresses of being female. I went to a group of midwives while we were in Utah, but it turns out that in Dayton, midwives are not so popular, and as such, not that great. I’ve been asking around, and no one can recommend a midwife, or even a female OB-GYN. My two new BFFs, both neighbors, have had wonderful experiences with their OB-GYNs, and gushed about how much they love them, but they’re both male.
There is something so incredibly icky to me in a man who never gets over that 12 year old desire to become a gynecologist. Please understand that I do not intend to offend anyone who has experience with male OB-GYNs, nor am I saying that all of them are there because of their adolescent curiosity in the opposite sex. I’m just uncomfortable with the whole idea. It just doesn’t seem normal to me.
So here’s the dilemma: Do I keep looking, and try to find a female doctor whom I can be more comfortable with, and possibly wait another 6 months to actually make the call, or do I take one of the recommendations, call a male doctor, and get myself fixed? (No, not fixed in that sense, just corrected.)
H. I. P. 
July 23, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Oh dear, Sarah! You must surely go to one of these wonder doctors your neighbors are recommending. If you don’t feel comfortable at that appointment (you could even leave before you get too far into your explainations etc. if it came to that–I’m sure male OB/GYNs understand) they would definitely be able to point you in the direction of a female one.
It sounds like you’ve done enough looking around for now and you just need to “get yourself fixed” as you say. I wish you the best, Sarah!
July 23, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Lisa, that’s such a good point! I cannot believe it never occurred to me that I could do that. I’m working up the guts…
July 23, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I was going to say the same thing as Lisa. I’ve had one male GYN that I liked. The others? Not so much. I don’t know what I’d do without the midwives.
July 23, 2008 at 2:17 pm
see, and I find female obgyn’s kind of funny. Like they can’t be impartial about the bajingo because they have one. hahahhahah!!! I love my male obgyn, he’s fantastic. I say if you’re having issues now make the appointment and then go back to your regular lady when she gets off her maternity leave.
July 23, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Kalli, did you just say “bajingo”?
July 23, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Go to a dr. at once. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Are you sure you even need to go to a specialist? Maybe a female GP? It’s nice to have a general practioner who can deal with everything that might come up. I’ve been going to the same wonderful man for 25 years. His nurse is always in the room when he examines me, and I don’t think it’s any weirder than a woman examining me–neither is particularly fun.
Then if the GP thinks your problem is so unusual that you need to see a specialist, he/she can get you into one faster than you can get into one. Anyway, if one of your children had a problem would you wait and wait? You know you wouldn’t, so just pick up the phone and make the appointment. (spoken by your very pragmatic Aunt Barbara).
July 23, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I’ve only ever had male OB/Gyns. I guess I decided awhile back that I really didn’t want to be friends with the person who had their hands in my vagina, so it works for me to have a totally “business-like” relationship with a male doc. I’m not saying that’s ideal, that’s just the way it’s worked out for me.
As far as thinking that it’s pervy for a guy to be an OB/Gyn, well I can’t imagine that the ortho surgeon who amputated my leg really went into that line of work because he liked the idea of being mired and blood & guts and inflicting pain on hapless youths. I’m guessing that he went into it because he’s smart, detail-oriented, and good with his hands. I suspect that many male OBs are the same–they realize the joy that comes from being a part of the birthing process and they enjoy making women healthier.
Ok, but now that I said all of that…
In my experience, the most important aspect of the doctor/patient relationship is trust. If you can’t be confident in your doc, I’d say wait until you find one that you can trust. You won’t feel good about your treatment choices unless you feel good about your doc.
And as for the phone thing…I share your pain. My friends don’t call me because they know I won’t pick up. And I won’t call them unless there is some dire emergency. My poor husband is a phone person and he doesn’t get WHY I can’t just make calls or WHY I just don’t pick up the phone godammit. But Sarah, you are strong. You can do this. You really can.
I’d say, call up the offices of those two docs and ask if they have any female docs in their group. If not, ask for a referral to one. Note: nowadays many doctor offices have websites–you might even be able to send them an email rather than calling! Also, have you tried to get a referral to a female doc from your health insurance company (you can probably do this via email)? I’ve done this in the past and it’s worked out for me.
🙂
July 23, 2008 at 7:02 pm
sure did.
Scrubs reference. Best show EVER.
“paging Dr. Reed to the bajingo ward”
July 23, 2008 at 7:03 pm
At the risk of sounding redundant: just go see a doctor. People have recommended them, which means they must be trusted on some level.
Also, if you feel really nervous about going for a “visit” then set up an appointment for an “interview.” If a doctor feels they can’t spare the time or be courteous during an interview then it’s easy to cross them off the list.
I had a PCP in Brooklyn who didn’t shake my hand or look me in the eye on the first visit. A few visits later and he still didn’t know my name. Pfft!
As for any weirdness about a doctor’s specialty, if you consider the amount of education and training it takes to get to that point, and the variety of patients they see daily, I think the ick-factor is negligible. Think of them more like your mechanics… for your most precious and complex machine.
July 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Thank you all. I always need people to talk sense in me, since I wasn’t born with no sense to speak of.
Barbara, no, I wouldn’t wait if it were one of my kids. I don’t know why I can’t seem to do this for myself, and by extension, for my kids.
Jana, how painfully right you are.
Kalli, good thing I have netflix.
NungNung, you’re right too. But seriously, have you ever been to a female doctor? Not a spine specialist, but one where you were put in a more vulnerable position? Derek doesn’t seem to think a man would be likely to see a female for any problem with symptoms below the navel. Or is that changing too?
July 25, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Yes, I’ve been to female doctors. I’m somewhat indifferent to the gender of my doctors, but I’d be lying if I said it made *no* difference.