I hate large pieces of lettuce. Like in a salad, especially one in a restaurant. I hate hate hate huge chunks that I can’t fit into my mouth without slathering my cheeks and chin with dressing. I also don’t like trying to cut the lettuce with my fork. What a joke. Whenever I get one of those bagged salad mixes, I tear up the lettuces until they are bite sized. And the ones that are a big lump, I break those up too.
I hate picking things up from the floor. I hate bending over. It hurts, and I always have to rearrange my clothing afterward. And sometimes there’s no point to it, anyway, since the clean floor is a magnet for random items to fling themselves off their tidy resting place. I straightened Kiki’s room this morning. It has had the same collection of about 10 toys, a couple articles of clothing, and a hundred or so baby wipes (her current favorite plaything, called “dah-buh”), and a few books on the floor for a week or so. Seriously, they all remained there for days, without getting shifted, moved, or played with. The instant Kiki came into her newly tidy room, she went for the toys and emptied them back onto the floor. She grabbed just a few books, read a couple of pages of each, and dumped them. Etc. Etc. Etc. She is currently down for a nap, but I expect that upon waking, she will head for the dresser to empty the drawers.
I hate talking politics. Unless it’s with someone who agrees with me and doesn’t think I’m insane or retarded. I hate some of the things going on right now, but I’m sure as heck not going to elaborate on them.
I hate wearing clothes. I’m not going to elaborate on that one, either.
I hate being dirty. I nearly have an aneurysm every time I’m cleaning up a child after dinner, and those grimy hands reach out before I have a chance to attack them with a washcloth, and they smear me with the mixed contents of our meal. Including sauces and drinks, since I have at least two chemists included among my progeny. Both of said chemists are expert in the art of “spreading.”
I hate it when my feet are cold. Which is always. If the air conditioning is on, and is set to anything lower than 78, my feet are frozen. If the indoor temperature is 85, then my feet are fine. In the winter, when the indoor temperature is 60, I use my bean-filled socks several times a day. I microwave them for a couple of minutes, then stick my feet in a cocoon of blanket with the hot packs, and remain until they are warm. This is more convenient than using a tub of hot water, trust me.
I hate water parks. I like water slides, and I like swimming, but water parks make me weary.
I hate cable TV.
I hate road trips. I hate being in a car for long periods of time, especially when there are crazy chickens in the back seat.
I hate how every single time I have ever attempted to type the word “especially,” it has come out “expecially.” I have no explanation for that. I don’t pronounce it that way, heaven forbid. But maybe as a penance for ever judging someone who did pronounce it that way, I am doomed to repeat my typo for eternity, sitting in between the first and second levels of purgatory. Hopefully I won’t go any deeper than that, eh? Or maybe I really will have to suffer the eternities in the river Styx, since judging people for their pronunciation pretty much counts as cruel and vindictive. Oh crap.
September 5, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Do you feel any better after that unloading? I feel better having read it. Sort of.
I remember when I was in fourth grade and our teacher had written something on a huge piece of lined paper and magneted it to the chalkboard for us to copy. I remember the word “especially” was there. The class was silently writing away, but I had found a misspelling and I had to go up to the teacher’s desk at the front of the room and whisper to her that she had misspelled expecially. I didn’t mean to be sassy or anything, but this was fourth grade, and it was pretty important that we don’t be teaching kids the wrong spelling of a word. I vaguely remember thinking that I should just write it HER WAY in order to avoid an argument. It took me quite a while to get my head around the lack of “x” in that word. Why did my parents let me go around saying “expecially” for so long? I was like nine years old or something!
September 5, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Oh Lisa! When we moved to Mexico, I was in kindergarten. Sometime in the early days of my new, bilingual class, we were learning some cultural things, and my teacher had written “Christmas” on the board. I marched right up to the board, as the resident English expert, and erased the ‘t’, explaining that there’s obviously no ‘t’ in “Chrissmass.” Apparently, the first phrase I learned in Spanish was “Quitate de alli!” (Get down from there!)
September 5, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Things you “hate about being alive” sounds pretty bleak. I hope that’s mostly a facetious title.
I agree with all those hateful things though!
My feet get annoyingly frozen-solid sometimes, but I swear when I wear my fuzzy Land’s End slippers my feet get too hot when they’d otherwise freeze.
I love the idea of road trips, but hate them in practice.
And I hate typos too, expecially the ones where your brain is thinking one word, but your muscle-memory in your fingers forces you to type a different word. Often the different word for me is a homonym, like you’re->your, which drives me crazy when I read it from others, so it drives me extra crazy when I make that mistake. Occasionally I’ll type a word that in no way resembles the word I intended.
At least you and I know not to type “definately.”
September 5, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Every time I read “definately” I think in my head, “de-fin-AT-ly.”
September 5, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Maybe those people MEAN definATly, guys. Did you ever think of that?
I just have to say that I’m with nungnung on the your/you’re. I have learned to NOT be annoyed with it in others because I have caught myself in it more than once and I’m NOT THAT KINDA GIRL. I’ve even done the there/they’re/their mistake before. UGH!
And one last thing (sorry). When nungnung mentioned the slippers I realized YOU NEED POLISH SLIPPERS! Of course you do! They’re just like regular slippers only not really. Um. They keep my feet perfect all the time. And they’re like wearing NO slippers, except that you don’t feel the crumbs and stuff on the kitchen floor sticking to your feet! I believe I may have to send you some for Chrissmass!
September 5, 2008 at 6:35 pm
And while we’re on the topic of homonyms… I meant “homophones” earlier when I said homonyms. That shows how smart I am.
September 6, 2008 at 11:57 am
What’s funny is that once in a while, when I’m trying to type “your” or “you’re” it comes out “yoder.” Anybody else find their name automatically spilling out on the keyboard sometimes?
September 6, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Lisa, Polish slippers? Bring ’em on!
Nungnung, you’re just a homophone. There’s no shame in that.
Rachel, I sometimes type out a word like ‘there’ or ‘the’ just because the word I intend starts with a ‘t’. I do a lot of backspacing. And I just discovered that I must type ‘don’t’ a lot more often than ‘do’.
September 6, 2008 at 11:51 pm
I just don’t like to talk politics AT ALL… even if people agree with my currently bizarre mixmastermishmash of nonsense.
And I am REALLY hearing you on the “bending over” bit. Esp right now.
September 7, 2008 at 11:45 am
I just responded to comments on my own blog and made a few great mistakes. I really hate that. Like when you start writing a sentence one way and then you change it and forget to change one of the endings, which leaves you sounding like a dorkus. Good thing for me that everyone who visits my blog already knows I’m one.
(No joke, in that last sentence I typed visit’s instead of visits, but then fixed it. Can you imagine? I’m losing my mind).
September 9, 2008 at 9:29 pm
I have nothing intelligent to say – I’m still laughing myself silly!
I really want to know why KiKi calls baby wipes “dah-buh”. Is this some corruption of an English word or is something more sinister going on?
I’m OK with comfortable clothes, but I could totally give up bras and shoes if I lived in, like, Hawaii.
On a completely different topic, when do we get to see the long-term effects of a self-made haircut?
September 9, 2008 at 9:32 pm
By the way, is NungNung actually Nicholas Cage? Cuz that’s who he looks like from the photo. How do you get Nicholas Cage to read you blog? How can I get celebrity readership???
September 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Bean-filled socks? I need those!!! Where did you get them? (or those polish slippers mentioned) Right now I have to soak my feet in hot water and that gets tiring, plus I can’t move around.
September 10, 2008 at 6:26 am
Angelawd, dah-buh is just a corruption of diaper, so I’m sure she’s just associating. The self-made haircut is now reddish. I haven’t had it cut at a salon since that first time, and I’ve had a couple of really interesting iterations! Sometimes I go a little crazy with the scissors. Also, nungnung is my brother, so no, he’s not Nicholas Cage. But he’s still a celebrity.
Carrie, I should have clarified. They’re not socks that you can put on, they’re just tube socks filled with beans and tied shut. Since they’re long, you can wrap them around your feet, sort of. But I did see some actual microwavable socks once. They were fleece, with flax seeds in the lining. I think they were from Pottery Barn.
September 10, 2008 at 8:51 am
Oh my gosh! That’s IT!! I’m so glad I came on here and read Angelawd’s comment. THAT’S what’s been bugging me about nungnung’s picture. He looks EXACTLY like Nicholas Cage. That’s funny. I wonder if you can even see it or if he just looks like your brother to you?
September 10, 2008 at 9:13 am
I wouldn’t mind the comparison since Nick Cage is in some pretty good movies (Raising Arizona, Moonlighting), but his whole career has been misappropriated lately by typing him as an action hero! I’ve been compared to Tim Roth and Edward Norton as well.
September 10, 2008 at 10:09 am
Are you saying you don’t want to be an action hero?
September 10, 2008 at 8:19 pm
No, no! I *am* an action hero. What I’m saying is that Nick Cage is *not*, no matter how many times he appears in action movies.
September 13, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Love the banter.
October 14, 2009 at 9:27 pm
You hate the dumbest things.
September 22, 2010 at 3:34 pm
I hate being alive too – but this post makes me smile!
May 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm
The inability to form words to describe the rage . Not socially inept or fat or ugly or the other self loathing . I would gladly give an excuse a name , i have none. I just hate and want rest. To combine fuck with whatever phrase adds comonality , or minimalization. Aaaaaaaaaaa ! Expecially for the non understanding smile. To say all this will only add to my isolation by being single , and my children do not deserve that . Thanks for reading. I hate every one i see today. Above 3 feet